Definitions: Helpmate – Handmaiden – Harlot
Helpmate: A married woman who is committed to the well being of her husband.
Handmaiden: An unmarried or married woman who is committed to serving the Lord.
Harlot: An unmarried or married woman who will sacrifice her soul or body for personal gain.

Scripture Focus:
Helpmate: 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a It (love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Handmaiden:1 Corinthians 13:3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Harlot: 1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.

Love-Definition: The deepest possible expression of affection and commitment that is most clearly demonstrated through acts of sacrificial giving. Example:For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son John 3:16a.

OPENING STATEMENT:
The Helpmate's Story: The rain was just starting as I arrived to visit my friend Sydney who was serving a life sentence for murder. One hour later as we sat near the window in the visitor's room a bus pulled up outside and Sydney's wife got off.  By now the rain was coming down in sheets and a gust of wind blew her umbrella inside out. Her head was getting soaked and her feet sank into the mud as she made her way across the courtyard to the prison entrance. Sadness filled Sydney's eyes as he spoke. "When we got married, I never dreamed that my wife would have to walk through the mud and into a prison to see me." What he said next stays with me even to this day. "Love is a high risk venture, you never know what it’s going to cost you." Fortunately for Sydney and his wife, five years later the murder verdict was overturned and he was released. One of the greatest challenges for married women is that most of them are not prepared to deal with "for-better-or-for-worse." For better–may include success that can be challenging, time consuming and require changes that you weren’t prepared to make. For worse – may include unemployment, financial setbacks or the heartbreak of adultery.1 Corinthians 13:7-8a It (love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,endures all things.Pray with your husband and ask the Lord to show you both how to endure, "For-better-or-for-worse." Here are a few tips:

1. Find a good church home and attend as a family.
2. Pray together and pray for your marriage on a daily basis.
3. Don't live in a manner that cannot withstand a financial setback.
4. Make friends with mature and godly married couples.
5. Write a covenant together that will set guidelines for your marriage.
6. Don't allow the Devil to control your thoughts. Give and forgive, “quickly!”
7. Be an encourager. Loving words bring peace and give you strength to endure.

The Handmaiden's Story: I have a girlfriend in Atlanta who has been abundantly blessed by the Lord.  Whenever I come to visit, she calls in a personal chef who prepares my favorite foods.  Oprah said as she was planning her Legend’s Ball, “Love is in the details.”  When it comes to details, my sister/friend in Atlanta is overflowing with love. The salads that her chef prepares are a work of art and the seafood is straight out of heaven.  Her love and friendship are truly from the heart.  Not far from Atlanta in a small town in Alabama, I have another sister/friend who invited me to visit her home.  She’s a hard working lady who lives a very modest lifestyle, but when I came to her house I was queen for a day.  The barbeque grill was fired up and the potato salad, greens and cornbread were filling the house with a sweet aroma that said, “I love you and I’m so glad you’re here.”  How many times have you been around people who prepared a nice meal, or did something special for you but you didn’t feel the love?  1 Corinthians 13:3says – If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  People can do a lot of things that seem right, but it’s for the wrong reason.  Whatever you do, if love is not your reason and love it not your motive, you gain nothing. However, when you do something that’s from the heart, the love shines through every time and the Lord will bless the work of your hands and reward your kindness.

The Harlot's Story: If Delilah lived in this day and age, I know exactly what she would say to the Philistines about her big romance with Samson.  “That man is so in love with me he’ll give me anything I want...I’ve got him wrapped around my finger.  Show me the money... I’m giving Samson a haircut.”  I think most of us know women like Delilah.  You watch men step over 20 godly women just to be with her.  I know what you’re thinking:  “Why can’t he see that she’s not for real?  Why doesn’t he want to be with someone who can give him real love?”  The answers are simple.  Either he’s never had “real love,” so he doesn’t know what it is.  Or...he’s messing around with the kind of harlot that can imitate love like a master counterfeiter.  Sometimes it takes real discernment to figure out that she’s a fake.  If you want to know how to recognize real love, leta1 Corinthians 13:5-8 be your guide. 

1.  Love is not rude.
2.  Love is not self-seeking.
3.  Love is not easily angered.
4.  Love keeps no record of wrongdoings.
5.  Love does not delight in evil.
6.  Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and never gives up.
7.  Love never fails.

OBSERVATIONS AND PERSONALIZATION:

Helpmates: 1 Corinthians 13:7 states:  Love bears all things.  As you think about the magnitude of this statement, search the scriptures to determine how God uses the following spiritual gifts to help us bear all things. 

Example:

1. Grace:  2 Corinthians 12:9  “My grace is sufficient, for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

2. Faith:

3. Prayer:

4. Power: 

5. Your choice

Handmaidens: 1 Corinthians 13:3 states:  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  For what reasons (other than love) would a person or group give all their possessions to the poor?  Use the following words to search for answers. 

Example: 

1. False Prophets:  Matthew 7:15  “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.

2. Deceive:   

3. Led astray:

4. Discern: 

5. Your choice:

Harlots: 1 Corinthians 13:6 states:  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.  Using the words below, search the scriptures for tricks that a harlot will use to imitate love. 

Example:

1. Smooth Tongue:   Proverbs 6:24  Stay away from the immoral woman, from the  smooth tongue of an adulterous woman.

2. Lust: 

3. Seduce:

4. Heart:

5. Your choice:

Stories From HHH Love Lessons
Note: Stories and comments may be presented in an edited version.

Name:  Anonymous
For Better or for worse.
 I am in the midst of dealing with this situation with my husband.  Last night as a matter of fact he told me that although he had prayed for God to send him a wife and I was everything he said he wanted that because of his diabetes he was thinking maybe I should leave him and find someone else.  I explained to him that when I took our marriage vows before God I meant everything I said and wasn’t going anywhere.  To which he responded his ex-wife left him, so why should I stay? I have been the only women he has been with that wants nothing more from him but to love and see him enjoy life.  I love how you used the story of the Velveteen Rabbit which is one of my favorites because that is exactly how I feel about him. Your lesson reaffirmed what I have been praying and believing that in the end God is going to do something big and we will have a great testimony.

Name:  Princess
City: Philadelphia
Question: Problems with love and trust.

I have a hard time loving and trusting. I have a fear of people looking at my faults and not my heart. I am 26 years olds, with no kids and I live by myself. I love the Lord but my actions don't say that. Since a child I've had family members (uncles, cousins) coming on to me. When I was 12, a total stranger said he would go to jail for me. I didn't understand what that meant till I was 18. I have mentors, but I feel like they are never there for me. I was molested twice and never told my mom. I was always called a liar, so when I go through things I tend to shut-down rather than express myself. I'm tired of crying and disobeying GOD. I need to learn patience and once I master that, I believe the Lord will give me the desires of my heart. Men have always come after me since I was a little girl.  I need help... I want to get right with God. Fornication isn't what makes me happy.  If it did I wouldn't feel empty and convicted. I need HELP!!! I feel that no one really understands, so I STOP talking. How do I stand firm?  Please help me!

Answer: 
Dear Sister:
First, let me say that many women, including myself, share the hurt of being molested or raped.  When you have been sexually abused, it can destroy your ability to love or trust anyone.  It can rob you of your self-esteem and leave you feeling confused and unloved.  But I am a witness that God has the power to heal your hurts.  It begins with forgiveness.  You probably go through times when you think about what was done to you over and over again.  Know that Satan is the one who won’t let you to forget and forgive.  Please don’t allow him to live rent-free in your mind.  It’s time to evict the Devil from your thoughts and move on with your life.  When the painful thoughts come, go to the Word of God and find scriptures that speak of healing and forgiveness.  If you don’t, you will always be bitter and bitterness keeps you from embracing the blessings that the Lord has prepared for you.  Start finding writing down scriptures on forgiveness.  Romans 12:19 says:  Never seek revenge.  Leave that to God.  For it is written, “I will repay those who deserve it,” says the Lord.  The Lord knows all about what happened to you.  Let Him deal with those who have abused you.  When you let go of the past, you will see new doors open up in your life.  You will be able to use your experience to help other young women who have been wounded.  When you allow the Lord to heal your heart, slowly but surely you will be able to love and trust again.

Blessings, Terri McFaddin Solomon

COME JOIN US…
DAYSRING ALASKA CONFERENCE AND CRUISE

August 4-11, 2006

Hosted by:
Pastor Frank and Bunny Wilson
Authors – The Master’s Degree, Mastering Your Marriage
Speakers:
Dr. Ronn Elmore, Author – How To Love a Black Man
Michelle McKinney Hammond, Author – Diva Principles
Terri McFaddin Solomon, Author – Sapphires and Other Precious Jewels

For reservations and information: www.dayspringconference.com
Or call: (626) 580-8008

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