Definitions: Helpmate – Handmaiden – Harlot
Helpmate: A married woman who is committed to the well being of her husband.
Handmaiden: An unmarried or married woman who is committed to serving the Lord.
Harlot: An unmarried or married woman who will sacrifice her soul or body for personal gain.

Scripture Focus:

Helpmate:   Genesis 29:20   So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. 

Handmaiden:  Ruth 1:16  But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.  Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.” 

Harlot: Judges 16:15-16a  Then she (Delilah) said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me?  With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death.  So he told her everything.

Love – Definition:  The deepest possible expression of affection and commitment that is most clearly demonstrated through acts of sacrificial giving. Example:  For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son… John 3:16a.   Â

OPENING STATEMENT:

The Helpmate’s Story:  Genesis, chapter 2 tells the story of how the Lord God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden where there was an abundance of gold, precious jewels, flowing rivers and countless trees with pleasant fruit. Please notice that in all God did for Adam and Eve, He never once used the words, “I LOVE YOU.”  The message in Genesis 2 is clearly stated…love is not what we say but what we do. Among the stories of love in action is that of Jacob and Rachel.  Genesis 29:16-21 Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her.  Jacob didn’t say, “I love you.”  He showed it.  It’s easy to tell your husband how much you love him…believe in him…support him…trust him.  But actions speak louder than words.  Take a deep breath and relax.  It’s time to do the following: Believe in him, even if you don’t understand what he’s trying to achieve.  Support him, even if it’s the last thing on earth you want to be doing.  Trust him, even if he’s blown it before.  I know what you’re thinking… “Why should I believe-support-trust, when that’s not what I’m getting in return?”  Luke 6:37-38a reads:  Do not judge, and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. When you give love and show love, the Lord promises that – in ways that we can’t always explain – all that you give will be given back to you. 

The Handmaiden’s Story:   I’ll be the first to admit that a husband is a wonderful blessing.  But there are times in your life (whether you’re married or single) when a girlfriend can be a gift from the Lord.  I have ministry girlfriends, who show their love by supporting me and standing with me when it comes to spreading God’s Word. I have other girlfriends who show love by listening to my problems, praying with me and respecting my privacy.  I even have girlfriends who show love by hanging out, laughing, shopping and acting silly without being judgmental.  Ruth and Naomi were the ultimate sister/friends.  Ruth 1:16 - Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  When Ruth married Boaz, Naomi rejoiced with her and was there to support her new family.  Do you rejoice when the Lord uses your favorite girlfriend in ministry, or blesses her with a loving husband, children, or a job promotion?  Do you cover her with prayer through her ups and downs?  God has always joined women together to minister to others.  But women can only become powerful and effective when they walk together in love. Stop for a moment and think about a special girlfriend who always shows you love.  Why not send her a card; take her to lunch; watch her kids this weekend; or treat her to a new pair of shoes.  When it comes to love, don’t tell her…show her!    

The Harlot’s Story:  Many of us have had the painful experience of encountering a harlot who pretended to be a friend, but her real intentions were selfish gain.  Remember, harlotry is much more than sexual immorality.  A harlot is a woman who will misuse her friends, family, lovers and even herself, to get what she wants.  A harlot will wreck your marriage; destroy your good name; sabotage your job, all with loving words, a prayer on her lips and a smile on her face.  Have you ever asked yourself, why does the harlot go through so much trouble to hurt other people? Perhaps in her past, someone showed her wrong behavior and called it love.  Remember, love is not what people say, but what they do.  Perhaps the harlot was around people who said, “I love you,” but demonstrated lies and abuse.  Therefore, in her mind she equates love with lies and abuse.  I encourage you not to give up on the confused sister who doesn’t know the meaning of, “I love you,” or “I’m sorry.”  It may not be easy, but try to show her what real love looks like.  Pray that the Lord will use your daily walk to teach her about love.  2 Timothy 2:24 and 26 says – ²⁴ And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful… ²⁶ That those who oppose him will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. 

OBSERVATIONS AND PERSONALIZATION:

Helpmates: Sometimes it’s the little things that you and your husband do to each other that can leave you both with feelings of anxiety.
1. What small thing can you ask of your husband that would keep you from “freaking out?” Find a way to talk to him about your needs.
2. Ask you husband what small thing you can do to make his life more peaceful. If possible, try your best to comply.
3. Find a calming scripture to write down and place it in his shirt or jacket pocket before he goes to work. Take another moment to find calming scripture for yourself.

Handmaidens: As long as you stay close to the Lord the things that you are anxious about will end up in one of two categories.
1. You will one day laugh about your experience.
2. You will one day share your testimony of how the Lord brought you through a difficult experience. Now is the time to remember how anxious you once where about a situation in your life. So get busy and write down one serious victory and one laughable experience in your life.

Harlots: None of us have been perfect all of our lives. What advice would you give to a sister-friend who is involved in an ungodly lifestyle that will lead to stress and anxiety?
1. Involved with an ungodly man/woman or multiple relationships.
2. Choosing to compromise her relationship with Christ for the sake of making money.
3. Hanging out with ungodly people who are involved in illegal or high-risk practices.

Helpmates:  Genesis 20:11-13 Abraham replied, “There is surely no fear of God in this place and they will kill me because of my wife.  Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife.  And when God had me wander from my father’s household I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.”

1. What would you have done if you were in Sarah’s place?  Please explain.

2. Do you feel that was Abraham was right or wrong to make such a request of his wife? Please explain.

3. Have you ever been faced with a circumstance where in order to please your husband, you felt like you had to compromise your Christian values? 

Handmaidens: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always, perseveres. 

1. All of the statements above tell us how to “show” love.  Carefully read the verses and try to determine which love-in-action statement is the most difficult for you to show to people that you love.  Please explain.

2. Which of the above love-in-action statement is the easiest for you to demonstrate?  Please explain.

3. In which of the above areas do you need to seek forgiveness from someone that you love?  Try to determine what you can do to bring healing to the relationship? 

Harlots:  Judges 16:15-16a  Then she (Delilah) said to him (Samson), “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me?  With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death.  So he told her everything.

1. Why do you think Samson failed to recognize that he was being deceived by Delilah?

2. Have you ever been in a situation where someone deceived you by saying, “If you love me you will?”  How did you respond?  Please explain.

3. Perhaps you were the one who used the word “love” to get what you wanted out of another person.  What regrets do you have for your behavior? 

YOUR STORY:  There are times when showing love to another person is the hardest thing we will ever do.  If you’ve had a challenging experience showing love to someone at work, school or within your family, please share your story.

Stories From HHH Love Lessons
Note: Stories and comments may be presented in an edited version.

Anonymous
In love with the wrong man
I am in love with a man who I know is not good for me.  He is seeing other women and I have to lie to my family in order to be with him.  I try to stay away, but I don’t have the strength to say no.  He lies to me about being with other women, yet I am having unprotected sex with him.  I know what I am doing is wrong and even dangerous.  Please pray for me, I need help.

Dear Sister:
The most important thing that I hear you say is that you know what you’re doing is wrong and dangerous.  That’s a good place to start.  It means that the Holy Spirit is opening your eyes and allowing you to see the truth.  When a man has your mind wrapped up, it’s like being on drugs.  You want to break free, but you keep going back to him.  But God is greater and stronger than the problem you’re facing.  Pray and ask the Lord to rescue you and make a way for you to escape.  I guarantee you that God has the power to destroy the uncontrollable desire that you have for this man.  No matter what you’re doing, or how you’re acting – stay in church, stay in the Bible and stay on your knees.  I pray that the Lord will be merciful to you and keep you from an unwanted pregnancy or a terrible disease.  God’s grace is sufficient and his strength is made perfect in weakness. 1 Corinthians 12:9.

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