Scripture Focus:
Helpmates: Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

Love -Definition: The deepest possible expression of affection and commitment that is most clearly demonstrated through acts of sacrificial giving. Example: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son... John 3:16a.

OPENING STATEMENT:
I call this lesson the "super-sized lesson." Whether you are married or single you need to study this lesson. I say this because you or someone close to you may one day find yourselves in a difficult relationship. The issue of forgiveness has too many components to cover in one session. In light of this, helpmates, handmaidens and harlots will be presented in three separate lessons.

The Helpmate's Story: I
I once heard someone say that in order for a marriage to survive, it takes two givers and two forgivers. A husband and wife must treat forgiveness like a muscle in their spirit that needs to be developed and strengthened. We build this unseen muscle by exercising forgiveness on a regular basis. Men do dumb things that require a wife to earnestly forgive and forget. By the same token women can make silly mistakes that make men crazy. Choose not to pull away when he touches you, and after he says I'm sorry, bite your lip and refuse to bring it up again. That's what exercising forgiveness is like on a good day. But many married women already know, we can sometimes find ourselves in deep water without a life jacket. So how do you forgive your husband when he's the one who let you fall into the water? Or even worse, he's the one who pushed you overboard. The Bible tells us that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. But it takes the ministry of the Holy Spirit to lift the words from the pages and deposit the scripture into your heart. This is especially true when pride, hurt and fear are blocking the entrance; but with God, all things are possible.

In light of the great gulf that exists between the world of offense and forgiveness, I want to investigate the biblical story of David and his first wife, Michal (pronounced My-kul). It is a classic example of two people who became prisoners of unforgiveness. As you read this story, think about what David and Michal might have done differently to bring healing to their troubled marriage.

1. Michal was the daughter of King Saul and she loved David with all her heart. It appears that the feeling was mutual. When a man and woman start out together it seems like they can overcome the greatest obstacles. But every marriage will be put to the test and only the love of God and their love for one another will enable them to endure. 1 Samuel 18:27b-He (David) brought two hundred foreskins and presented the full number to the king so he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

2. Unfortunately, David had problems with his father-in-law. You see, when David killed Goliath he became a hero of the people and King Saul was jealous of his son-in-law's popularity. 1 Samuel 18:28-29-When Saul realized that the Lord was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, Saul became still more afraid of him and he remained his enemy the rest of his days.

3. As the tension between Saul and David escalated, Saul decided to kill David. Of course Michal loved her husband and she did her best to protect him. Michal not only helped David escape the wrath of her father, but she lied to protect him. Unfortunately there may come a time when a husband and wife must choose between loyalty to their family and loyalty to one another. 1 Samuel 19:11- Saul sent me to David's house to watch it and to kill him in the morning. But Michal, David's wife, warned him, "If you don't run for your life tonight, tomorrow you'll be killed." So Michal let David down through a window and he fled and escaped.

4. Satan took full control of Saul's heart and David was forced to flee for his life. While he was on the run, Saul forced Michal to break her marriage vow to her husband and marry another man. It's sad to say, but Satan will sometimes use the people who are closest to your heart to damage your marriage. If you want your marriage to survive, don't allow father, mother, sister, brother, children or friends come between you and your mate. 1 Samuel 25:44 - But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David's wife, to Paliel son of Laish, who was from Gallim.

5. Eventually the tables turned in David's favor. Saul was killed in battle and David became the new king of Israel. One of his first priorities was to reclaim Michal. If a separation happens in your marriage, pray for restoration. Also recognize that it will require time, patience and much prayer to make your marriage whole again. 2 Samuel 3:14 - Then David sent messengers to Ish-Bosheth son of Saul, demanding,"Give me my wife Michal, who I won with a hundred Philistine foreskins."

6. I can imagine the joy that filled Michal's heart when she discovered that David still loved her and sent for her to come back to him. Her joy must have been short lived when she learned that David had married two other women. The road to forgiveness can be a painful process with many pitfalls along the way. If your marriage needs healing, you must first be honest with one another. Ask the Lord to prepare your heart to face the truth and then give you the strength to deal with the challenges. 1 Samuel 25:39b - Then David sent word to Abigail asking her to become his wife. Vs. 43 David had also married Ahinoam of Jezreel, and they both were his wives.

7. Why did David want Michal back if he was married two other women? Was it his pride, or did he still love her? Only God knows the answer. Michal and David was once a young couple in love, but now David shared his affection with other women. As the story unfolds it becomes clear that Michal grew bitter and despised David. Without forgiveness, bitterness will destroy the love and respect that a couple has for one another. 2 Samuel 6:16 - As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from the window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.

8. Michal had the position of David's first wife, but she didn't believe she was first in David's heart. I can almost hear Michal cursing the day that David reclaimed her. If she had stayed where she was, the dream of a perfect love could have lived on in her heart. There is no way that a married couple can completely erase the mistakes of the past. You must learn to live in the reality of the present and ask the Lord to fill your heart with the spirit of forgiveness. Without forgiveness we become the victims of our own anger and bitterness. 2 Samuel 6:20 - When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out o meet him and said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of slave girls and his servants as any vulgar fellow would."

9. Michal's words were like a dagger in David's heart. If there was any love left between them it died with her bitter words. Some believe that God punished Michal for speaking against David's love for the Lord. But there are many scholars who believe that David was so wounded by Michal's words that he refused to forgive her and never slept with her again. Words are a powerful weapon. Even if the angry feelings in your heart and mind are justified, it is best to put the matter in God's hands. If you refuse to allow the Lord to take complete control of your situation, you may be facing a sorrowful and regretful future. 2 Samuel 6:23 - And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.

OBSERVATIONS AND PERSONALIZATION:
Unfortunately, the story of David and Michal ends on a very sad note. In this day and age their names would probably be found on the roles of the soaring divorce rate. I want to use your spirit filled imagination and become a marriage counselor to David and Michael.

1.What things could have been done differently on David's part and on Michal's part?

2. What would you say to Michal about her situation and how would you encourage her?

3. What would you say to David about his situation and how would you encourage him?

4. What scriptures would you use to support your counsel?

Your Story:
Have you ever been in a marriage or a relationship where you loved someone but in the end you felt wounded and betrayed? If you are now healed, how did you come to a place of forgiveness?

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LETTERS - STORIES - COMMENTS

Name: Charita:
Lesson #2 Love...Don't tell me, Show me!
The hardest part of love is trusting people.
For me, the hardest attribute of love, is found in 1 Corinthians 13:5 -"Love always trust." When someone I love hurts me or disappoints me, I find myself able to forgive and even continue to love them in my heart, but it is a struggle to continue to trust them. This is especially true of those people in my life who are currently unsaved. Once I feel that I have been betrayed on any level, I find that I judge every motive and actions of the person with a cloak of distrust. It's a miserable place to be. I know this is probably a defense mechanism to try to keep from getting hurt again, but I need understanding as to how I can truly forget the incident so that I can trust again and truly love in a proper manner.

Answer:
Dear Charita: Your question is very real and very powerful. I know how you feel because I have dealt with some of the same frustrations. In order for Christ to be formed in us and to become "Christ-like" or become real Christians we must experience what Christ experienced as He tried to love people in this world. He was betrayed, lied too and abandoned by those who were closest to him. The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 3:10 "I want to know Christ in the power of his resurrection and in the fellowship of his suffering becoming like Him in his death" Paul recognized that suffering is the gateway to power. It would be great to live in a world where friends don't betray you and family members don't misuse you, but that's not the way things are. The best that we can do is to prayerfully allow the abuses that we go through to make us stronger and more Christ-like than ever. Hebrews 11:36 says: You have need of endurance so that after you have done the will of God, you will receive the promise. To endure means to suffer, but never give up! Be strong dear sister. The world is only going to get even more difficult to live in, and only those who find their strength in Christ will be able to survive. I pray that the Lord will heal your heart; strengthen you and give you the grace to forgive and trust again. Proverbs 3:7 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."
Blessings, Terri McFaddin Solomon