Say to wisdom, "you are my sister" and make understanding your closest friend. For they will keep you from the immoral woman... Proverbs 7:4-5a

Women’s Discipleship Group – 2006
HELPMATES, HANDMAIDENS & HARLOTS ON-LINE BIBLE STUDY
LOVE LIFE SERIES
LESSON #4 LOVE AND ROMANCE
Website: www.terrimcfaddin.org
Presented by: Terri McFaddin Solomon

Definitions: Helpmate – Handmaiden – Harlot
Helpmate: A married woman who is committed to the well being of her husband.
Handmaiden: An unmarried or married woman who is committed to serving the Lord.
Harlot: An unmarried or married woman who will sacrifice her soul or body for personal gain.

SCRIPTURE FOCUS:
Helpmates : Song of Solomon 4:9 – You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride, you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.
Handmaidens : Song of Solomon 6:8-9 – There are sixty queens and eighty concubines, and maidens without number. My dove, my perfect one, is the only one, the darling of her mother, flawless to her that bore her. The maidens saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.
Harlots : Proverbs 7:18-19 – Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey.

OPENING STATEMENT:
Let’s get one thing straight. Romance is not worldly or ungodly. It was created by God to establish a deep emotional and spiritual bond between a man and woman that would cause them to want to be spend a lifetime together. Romance often begins with long, intimate conversations. Butterflies-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach as you rush to meet one another. Then intoxicating kisses that feel like a roller-coater-ride spinning out of control. When real love takes root, romance stays alive, but it slowly turns into a warm, cuddly, laid-back feeling where a look or a touch takes the place of words. God himself is the ultimate romantic and we were created in His image to be loving, warm and affectionate. Just reading some of the passages in Song of Solomon can makes my heart flutter: Song of Sol. 1:2 – Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth—for your love is better than wine.
Wow! Is God cool or what?

The Helpmate’s Story:
There is nothing more fulfilling for a wife than to have her husband look at her with adoring eyes. A woman becomes more confident and self-assured when she feels loved and accepted in spite of her stretch marks from having babies; cooking skills that may need to be improved; or a hottie sister who’s younger and cuter. But how does a woman who is caught up in the hectic routine of being a wife, mother, homemaker and working girl find time to keep the flame of love burning bright in her marriage? Next to prayer, I am persuaded that romance is the glue that holds a marriage firmly in tact. I Corinthians 7:1 Do not deprive each other of intimacy, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time of prayer. But resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you to sin. For most married couples, romance is refueled by finding the time, place and money for a date. Don’t say you can’t make it happen, because if your husband gets frustrated and decides to cheat on you, he will find the time, place and the money to do so. Or…you might be the one who ends up searching for romance outside of your marriage. Why go through a lot of trouble and end up in trouble, when you can put some extra effort into catching your husband’s eye. The following are some tips on how you can make it happen:

Time:

1. Coordinate your husband’s schedule with your own and come up a date night.
2. Ask a friend, neighbor or family to allow your children to spend the night.
3. Leave a message, note or email reminding your husband about your date night.
4. A least twice and month, plan to have an unbreakable date night with your mate.

Place:

1. Go for a walk at the beach, park, or hiking trail and TALK TO EACH OTHER.
2. Go to a movie or restaurant with a big screen TV and watch a game.
3. Stay at home (without the kids). Order some food and rent a movie.
4. Get a babysitter and spend a relaxing night at a hotel. Take a sexy nightie.
5. Give each other a massage complete with candles and soft music.
6. Try to locate and participate in a Christian couples group meeting or conference.

Money:

1. Look for free local events that are listed in the newspapers and on-line sites.
2. Take a long drive together.
3. Visit a museum or model homes.
4. Stay home (without the kids). Sleep late in the morning. Eat in bed, read and play.
5. Go back to bed and get some more REST.

If you have lost interest in romance, I pray that the Lord would restore your desire for your husband and breathe new life into your marriage. I pray that you would work through any differences and have a ball making up with each other.

The Handmaiden’s Story:
Many Christian women bury themselves in ministry or some other kind of activity because they don’t have a man in their life. You may be a woman who has a man in your life, but he treats you like you have no real value or importance. The idea of romance becomes complex if a woman feels like she doesn’t have what it takes to get a man’s attention. The Devil’s job is to try to persuade you that you’re undesirable and a real man wouldn’t have a romantic interest in you. That was the case of the Shulammite woman found in the Song of Solomon. She had been through a lot of rejection and she didn’t think she would ever find a godly man, but Solomon changed all that. He knew that deep inside – just like you – she was a royal lady, better than all the queens of the land. Song of Solomon 6:9 – The maidens saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines also and they praised her. Before you get ready to be romanced by a man, allow the King of Kings to speak to your heart so you will know how special you really are: Song of Sol. 6:8 – My dove, my perfect one, is the only one, the darling of her mother, flawless to her that bore her.

For many years I lived the life of a woman who found joy and satisfaction in the work of the ministry. I never dreamed that the Lord would one day send the most romantic man in the world to love, adore and marry me, but that’s exactly what happened.

In order to be truly ready for a red hot, godly romance, please take time to do the following:

1. Don’t sit around waiting for the right man and please don’t waste your time trying to catch one. Be about your Father’s business and the Lord will bless you.
2. Let your self-confidence come from your God-confidence and not from a man. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
3. Do everything in your power to make yourself attractive. Let your beauty shine from the inside out. But you also need to make a fashion statement.
4. Don’t try to compete with harlots by dressing or acting like one. You’ll only get treated like one by the men you encounter.
5. Don’t get frustrated and settle for less. It’s better to go out with good friends than to spend your life with a looser.
6. Don’t act so spiritual that you’re no fun to be with. Have a sense of humor and know how to talk about more than the Bible.
7. Learn how to cook and entertain guest. It’s a big plus in the romance department.

The Harlot’s Story:
There are many different types of harlots. There are harlots who don’t see themselves as harlots or understand that their behavior is a form of harlotry. This woman treats romance like its some kind of drug that keeps her flying higher than a kite. When the thrill is gone, she will move on to the next romantic adventure. Very often she leaves behind a trail of angry and broken hearts. Men have spent their lives behind bars seeking revenge for the emotional pain inflicted by a romantic harlot. If she survives, she often goes into her next encounter with open wounds from her previous relationship.

There is another type of harlot who uses romance as a tool to get what she wants out of men. Unfortunately, it’s never love that she is seeking. She is addicted to the material world and the men who can give her the things that only money can buy. You won’t find her on a street corner dressed in a skimpy outfit. This woman is classy, intelligent and skilled in the art of seduction. She uses her powers to seduce bishops, bankers and ball players and when the money is gone – she’s gone.

Finally, there is the harlot who is watching and waiting for the romance between you and your mate to hit a dry spell. While you are thinking about how you can get out of having sex with your husband, she’s thinking about how she can do the job for you. If you’re dating someone special and you choose to abstain from sex until you tie the knot, the harlot makes it known that she’s willing and ready.

The harlot who uses romance to steal the heart of a man often succeeds in her quest. But there are painful consequences when romance is used for anything other than creating a godly bond between a man and a woman.

1. The woman who uses romance to steal a man from another woman can never establish a relationship with that man that is based on mutual trust.
2. A woman who uses romance for material gain will eventually ruin her reputation or become too old to seduce successful men.
3. A woman, who uses romance to get her kicks, will possibly have to pay a heavy price which may include disease, abortions, emotional pain and confusion.

If you are living a lifestyle of harlotry, I want you to know that God loves you and wants to rescue you from the hands of the enemy. If your romantic lifestyle is taking you from one superficial encounter to the next, I urge you to repent before the Lord for the following reasons:

1. Harlotry will cause you to end up with a man who will drag you down. Godliness will lead you to a man who will honor you and put you on a pedestal.
2. Harlotry will keep you from discovering God’s plan for your life. Godliness will put you on the path that will lead you to your destiny and the relationship that the Lord has already prepared for you.
3. Harlotry will lead you into a life of depression, insecurity and a lack of self-respect. Godliness will build your self-esteem and your confidence and will increase your joy whether you are in a romantic relationship or not.

YOUR STORY:

We want to hear about your most romantic encounter. Please, please, please, share!

OBSERVATIONS AND PERSONLIZATION:

Helpmates:
Read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

1. What are some of the possible reasons that wives and husbands loose affection for one another?

2. What should a wife do if she doesn’t feel like being affectionate?

3. What can a wife do to encourage affection in her husband?

Handmaidens:
Read Ruth 2:8-12

1. What was it about Ruth’s lifestyle that impressed Boaz?

2. What did he do to protect Ruth’s reputation?

3. Examine your lifestyle and make a note of the things you are doing that would attract a good man like Boaz. How can you improve your list?

Harlots:
Read John 8:3-7

1. Do you think that woman caught in adultery began her affair with romance?

2. Do you think that women are still treated differently from men when caught in adultery?

3. Jesus forgave the woman for her sinful act, but He left her with a warning. What was the warning and how would it apply to your life?

How Women's Discipleship Group Got Started

The Women's Discipleship Group was organized in 1999 by Terri McFaddin and Janet Bailey. The purpose of the discipleship group was to assist women in becoming rooted and grounded in their Christian faith. It was designed to also help women reach the level of spiritual maturity that would enable them to use their gifts and talents in various arenas of service and ministry.

We move toward these goals by implementing the following principles:

1. Building spiritual strength by a systematic study of the Word of God, including prayer; memorizing scriptures and weekly meetings.

2. Building strong relationships within the discipleship groups. This includes encouraging one another and being sensitive and supportive of one another's needs.

3. Training women to become servants and ministry leaders in their churches, mission fields, communities, schools, businesses or wherever God has called them to serve.

What We Believe

The women of WDG are a mixture of many different Christian denominations. But we all believe that we have eternal life through our personal confession of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We believe that the entire Word of God is true and we govern our actions by the counsel of the Holy Bible. We believe that we are called by God to be examples of godliness by loving one another and ministering to those who are in need of our help.

About Terri McFaddin Solomon

Terri is an ordained minister, author, speaker and songwriter with two Grammy Awards to her credit. Terri co-wrote two theme songs for the movies: Big and Men In Black . She authored three books: God Made Me Beauty-full ; Only A Woman and Sapphires And Other Precious Jewels.

Terri was born and raised in Philadelphia, where she attended Temple University. She holds a Masters Degree in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary.

In 1999 she and close friend Janet Bailey, founded WDG, which prepares women for service in various areas of ministry. There are currently five WDG bible studies taking place in various locations.

In October, 2005, Terri married Charles Solomon and resides in Los Angeles. She is a member of Faithful Central Bible Church and the mother of two adult daughters, Roslyn and Theresa who are also in the ministry.